- BRAVE ENOUGH TO HEAL? WHY THERAPY IS THE GREEN FLAG WE SHOULD ALL LOOK FOR
For reasons that completely baffle me, there is still a subset of society that looks at someone going to therapy and thinks, “Yikes, red flag.” These people view therapy as a sign of weakness, instability, or a warning label that says Fragile: Handle with Care.
But let’s flip the script and look at reality. Someone who sits on that couch every week is very likely actively demonstrating self-awareness, massive courage, and a genuine willingness to grow.
The people doing therapy are doing the heavy lifting!
Want to know what the real red flag is? The real red flag is the person who refuses to look in the mirror, avoids accountability for their actions like the plague, and would never consider therapy because they are utterly convinced they are perfect. It must be remembered there is a vast difference between not being accountable versus not necessarily hurting other’s feelings.
The Green Flag on the Couch
Let’s call therapy what it actually is: a massive green flag.
Therapy isn’t about being “broken”; therapy is about understanding yourself, working to break toxic multi-generational patterns, and building healthy relationships. Therapy is the emotional equivalent of going to the gym to build muscles. We don’t look at someone lifting weights and think, “Wow, look how weak they are.” We think, “Damn, they are putting in the work.” The same should apply to people attending therapy.
Spotting the Difference in Real Life
Scenario A: The Actual Green Flag
Imagine you are dating someone, and you bring up a pattern that hurts your feelings — for example how they shut down during disagreements.
A person committed to personal growth might say: “You’re right, I do freeze up when things get tense. I actually talked to my therapist about this last week, and it stems from how my family handled conflict. I’m working on staying present.”
Cue the angels singing. That is vulnerability, accountability, and self-awareness in action.
Scenario B: The Deflecting Red Flag
Now, imagine bringing up that exact same issue to someone who thinks they are too evolved for therapy.
Their response? “I wouldn’t shut down if you didn’t nag me so much. You’re the one who is oversensitive. Maybe you need a therapist to figure out why you’re always attacking me.”
Suddenly, your completely valid emotion has been weaponiezd against you. That right there? That is Olympic-level blame-shifting, and it is a crimson red flag blowing in the wind. Seeking help is a strength; pretending you are above it is a liability.
Flipping the Narrative
When someone tells you they are in therapy, it means they are actively trying to be a better human, partner, friend, and co-worker. They are learning how to say “I messed up” instead of “Look what you made me do.”
So, let’s stop treating emotional hygiene like a character flaw. The bravest thing you can do is admit you don’t have it all figured out.
Drop the Stigma
Have you ever encountered someone who judged you for going to therapy—or worse, tried to use your self-improvement against you? Let’s normalize working on ourselves. Leave a comment below and share your favorite “therapy breakthrough” moment, or one green flag you always look for in a partner.
When you are ready for therapy Ingrid of Inner Essence is available to help. Contact Ingrid now on ingrid@inneressence.co.za or call or WhatsApp +27 (0)82 331 8424
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