RELATIONSHIP TABOOS NO ONE TALKS ABOUT
There are many aspects of long term relationships and marriages that are often not openly discussed, either because they are considered taboo, uncomfortable, or simply taken for granted. Some of these include:
1. Loss of Romantic or Sexual Desire: Many couples experience a decline in sexual intimacy, but few openly admit it. One partner may have completely lost interest while the other still desires it, leading to resentment, infidelity, or silent suffering.
2. Regret Over Marriage or Partner Choice: Some people realize later that they married the wrong person or that they got married for the wrong reasons eg. societal pressure, pregnancy, financial security. However, admitting this, even to oneself, can feel shameful.
3. Emotional Affairs and Fantasies About Others: While physical cheating is openly condemned, emotional affairs or secret longings fro someone else are often ignored or denied, even when they cause significant emotional distance in the marriage.
4. The Burden of Traditional Gender Roles: Many women still carry the mental load of running the household and childcare, even when they work full-time. Men, on the other hand, may struggle with societal expectations to be providers, even when they feel unfulfilled or burned out.
5. Financial Power Struggles: Money is a major source of tension, yet it’s rarely talked about openly. One partner might control finances, while the other feels powerless. Some stay in unhappy marriages because they cannot afford to leave.
6. Feeling Trapped but Staying for Stability: Many couples stay together despite being deeply unhappy because of children, financial dependence, or fear of loneliness. The idea that marriage is forever, no matter what, can make people feel suffocated.
7. Changing Sexual Needs and Kinks: People change over time, and so do their sexual preferences. Some may develop new desires or lose interest altogether, but discussing these changes can feel embarrassing or risky.
8. One Partner Becoming a “Room mate”: Some marriages evolve into cohabitation arrangements rather than romantic partnerships. While this dynamic might work for both partners, discussing it openly is rare.
9. Lack of Genuine Emotional Connection: Some partners feel emotionally disconnected but maintain a peaceful non-existence. They might never fight but also never share deep, meaningful conversations.
10. Resentment for Sacrifices Made: One partner may have given up career goals, personal dreams, or even friendships for the sake of the marriage, and over time, resentment builds up.
11. Parenting Differences and Unspoken Resentment: One parent may feel like they do more, or that their partner is too strict or too lenient. The resentment might not be openly discussed but manifests in passive aggressive behaviour.
12. Discontent in Long Term Monogamy: Some people struggle with monogamy but are too ashamed to admit it. Thoughts about non-monogamy, open relationships, or even just a desire for more excitement often remain unspoken.
13. Men’s Emotional Needs Being Ignored: In many marriages, men feel like they cannot express vulnerability, sadness, or emotional exhaustion without being seen as weak. They might suppress feelings, leading to emotional distance or sudden outbursts.
14. The ‘Invisible’ Divorce: Some couples quietly disengage from each other emotionally and physically but stay legally married, sometimes for decades. They may sleep in separate rooms, live separate lives, but never discuss ending it.
15. In-Laws and Extended Family Struggles: Many spouses quietly endure difficult relationships with in-laws to keep the peace or sever ties with their partner’s parents, siblings and other family members to keep the peace. Some actively despise their in laws but avoid discussing it to prevent conflict.
16. Personal Growth Leading to Growing Apart: People evolve, and sometimes, one partner outgrows the other. However, admitting that personal growth has made the relationship less fulfilling is rarely spoken about.
17. Unspoken Feelings About Having Children: One partner may regret having kids, feel disconnected from parenthood, or secretly wish they had more or fewer children. These feelings are often repressed due to guilt.
18. Feeling Unappreciated and Taken for Granted: Many spouses feel unseen, unheard, and unappreciated but do not voice it because they assume their partner should “just know” or fear it will sound petty.
19. Secret Addictions (Gambling, Porn, Shopping, Drugs, Alcohol etc.): Many people hide their coping mechanisms from their spouse due to shame. These addictions can create financial strain, secrecy, and emotional distance.
20. Unspoken Desire for Time Alone: Some people deeply crave solitude or personal space but feel guilty expressing this need, fearing it will be misinterpreted as rejection.
If any of the above sound familiar it my be time for you to chat to a professional.
Ingrid is a Psychotherapist and Social Worker in private practice with special interest in clinical work & Somatic Therapies. She is an EMDR, Brainspotting, TIR practitioner, Hypnotherapist, & is registered with SACSSP. To find out more how she can assist & book an appointment, email Ingrid@inneressence.co.za. Sessions are claimable from medical insurance. Please visit her website on http://www.inneressence.co.za.
#Anxiety, #hypnotherapy, #Relationships, #Marriage, #Taboo, #Inlaws, #Extendedfamily, #Personalgrowth, #Monogamy, #Resentment, #Emotionalconnection, #Roommate
#Brainspotting, #psychology, #psychotherapy, #counseling, #PTSD, #emotionalhealth, #Fun, #stuckemotions, #socialwork, #trauma, #mentalhealth, #stress, #therapy; #wellness, #happiness, #growth, #Personalgrowth, #benefits, #ProblemSolved, #EMDR, #reprocessing, #integration, #shame #criticism, #rejection, #boundaries, #Unresolvedemotions, #Stuckmemories, #Intrusivememories, #negativeBeliefs, #Selfblame, #Intrusivethought